Deep Breaths, Deep Breaths

What makes you frustrated???   There is probably a list right?  I know I could make my own.  Recently I learned that what I often termed as anger was really frustration and that realizing this can go a long was towards managing it.  Knowing what you’re feeling has to help you to know how to deal with it right?  And in the world of parenthood there are MANY things to create frustration.

I would think that the number one thing in my life that frustrates me are my kids.  The fact that they don’t listen to me being the first reason and the fact they are loud and messy being the next reasons.  I know I know they are only kids and young ones at that, but when you spend a good part of your day trying to maintain an orderly household, having it destroyed in three seconds, can be a little trying.  I hate having to yell to be heard, and I have definitely been trying not to.   Yelling only leads to guilt and feeling of loss of control of the situation.  After all we’re supposed to be the ones with the emotional control right?  Easier said than done.

I find school frustrating.  Even more so from the perspective of the parent than when I was in it.  Trying to maintain a good partnership with the school, teachers, principles, difficult.  This is especially true when you disagree on what is the best option for your child.  It is truly frustrating when you are not taken seriously by these individuals.

Then there is the rest of the world.  There are many things to make one frustrated in everyday life.  Bad drivers, people who are late for appointments, slow people in the line ahead of you, outrageous prices for everyday necessities like food, just to name a few.  It can be overwhelming to deal with all of life’s little frustrations.  I used to have a real hang up of this concept of fair.  I would say “that’s not fair”  and truly mean it, believing that somehow there is this universal force of fairness that everyone lives by.  And that this fairness is the same for everyone.  That we all see things the same.  I’ve given up this concept, or am at least working towards it.  I think that I will be a lot happier with a more realistic view of life.  There is no such thing as fair.  We all see every situation differently and we all, out of Darwinian necessity, are motivated by our own (and our offspring and mate) preservation.  So even though we may share concepts of right and wrong and empathy, what is “fair” to one may not be to another.  it is a false hope that leads to frustration and disappointment.   You may think this a very negative way of thinking but I argue it is quite the opposite.  I in fact find it freeing as it allows me to live in the here and now without judgement of the situation and only a reaction to it as it is.  This makes letting go, moving forward and being happy much easier.

Life is too short to live it frustrated!  I for one am trying to take deep breaths and let go of the negative feelings quickly.  After all the universe doesn’t care in I’m  feeling negatively, I’m the only one that feels it.  So why not feel happiness instead!?

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